tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863109092100606623.post1412847310730501670..comments2013-09-17T14:39:21.162-04:00Comments on Sarah Garrigues (SAIR-ah GAIR-eh-guse): The Art of 'Showing' Vs. 'Telling'Sarah Garrigueshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718079454353620031noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863109092100606623.post-62275216067558648122009-04-10T11:13:00.000-04:002009-04-10T11:13:00.000-04:00Thanks for the extra insight, Tabitha, and for che...Thanks for the extra insight, Tabitha, and for checking out the blog. Come back again!Sarah Garrigueshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14718079454353620031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863109092100606623.post-84279500643125364262009-04-10T11:02:00.000-04:002009-04-10T11:02:00.000-04:00Hi Sarah! I posted this on the Blueboards thread,...Hi Sarah! I posted this on the Blueboards thread, but I wasn't sure if you saw it so I'll repost here. :)<BR/><BR/>I am wondering about your initial example. You say:<BR/>Telling: "Mmmm...pie," Rachel said hungrily.<BR/>Showing: Rachel eyed the pie and zipped across the room to where it sat on the counter, tempting her with its sticky, sweet aroma.<BR/><BR/>I would actually argue that both examples are telling, and that the first shows us more than the second. <BR/><BR/>With the dialog, we are shown more of Rachel because we hear *how* she's reacting to the pie. It paints a clearer picture of the kind of person she is - she sounds like Homer Simpson, so maybe she's a fan. :) At the very least, she sounds more casual than someone who would say "That's a lovely pie. Smells delicious." And that shows us something about her. <BR/><BR/>The second example tells us *that* she's eyeing the pie, but not *how* she eyes it. It tells us that the pie is tempting her, but not how the temptation makes her feel. Is she annoyed because she's not allowed to eat it? Is she anticipating her first bite? We can't tell. The "Mmmm...pie" shows us that she's anticipating her first bite, which gives us more information.<BR/><BR/>The "said hungrily" part is, of course, telling. So, I actually think that this would be a stronger example of showing:<BR/><BR/>"Mmmm...pie." Rachel leaned over it, inhaling the cinnamon sweetness, the rising steam fogging up her glasses. Her stomach rumbled as she scooped out a slice, and apples oozed out the sides.<BR/><BR/>Here, we know what kind of pie it is, that it's fresh out of the oven, and that Rachel is hungry. "Eyeing," "zipping," and "tempting" don't paint a clear enough picture for me. Just my opinion. :)Tabithahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17420910182752981979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863109092100606623.post-26739747493737547462009-04-08T19:47:00.000-04:002009-04-08T19:47:00.000-04:00Thanks, Casey! I'm glad you found the post helpfu...Thanks, Casey! I'm glad you found the post helpful. Be sure to check out the thread on CWIMB. It's been an interesting two days over there...lots of great dialogue (some of which I have posted here in the comments). What a great learning experience!Sarah Garrigueshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14718079454353620031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863109092100606623.post-65953038958447562932009-04-08T14:24:00.000-04:002009-04-08T14:24:00.000-04:00This is an awesome post Sarah! I'll check out the ...This is an awesome post Sarah! I'll check out the thread.Casey Somethinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17596079290053524103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863109092100606623.post-73409049389977287672009-04-08T12:45:00.000-04:002009-04-08T12:45:00.000-04:00Another contributing member of the Children's Writ...Another contributing member of the Children's Writers and Illustrators Message Board has given me permission to post her examples of 'showing' through dialogue. Thanks!<BR/><BR/>"<BR/>Your first example starts by saying the dialogue is unnecessary. That may confuse a new writer who sees the example out of context (i.e. a larger block of text that may give the same info). The answer is - it depends. When we talk about "show" don't "tell" almost always a new writer uses exposition to tell us what is going on with a character rather than action and dialogue. For instance "tell" in dialogue would be:<BR/><BR/>"What's the matter?" she asked.<BR/><BR/>The question mark shows us that she asked. So we have a "show" and a "tell" in the same line of dialogue. Or . . .<BR/><BR/>The fire raged in the hallway. Janie shouted for her twin brother and sister, Annie and Gerald, to follow her. She dropped to the floor and told them to stay low. She was scared but knew she couldn't show fear or the others wouldn't follow.<BR/><BR/>Could be:<BR/><BR/>"Fire!" Janie turned to find Anne and Gerald cowered in the closet.<BR/><BR/>"Come on! There's no time!" She nudged them from their hiding place, then crouched low to the floor. ""Follow me! Stay down and we'll have enough air to make it to the back door."<BR/><BR/>"I'm scared!" Annie said. "Aren't you scared!"<BR/><BR/>Beads of sweat poured down Janie's face. The salt and smoke stung her eyes as she gripped the twin's hands. "No, Annie. We'll be okay." <BR/><BR/>Likewise, even exposition can be a tell instead of a show. I used this example in a recent class:<BR/><BR/> “Sandy had been too tired to think of what lay ahead of her. She would have gotten up earlier, but she had been studying all night for the final with her best friend Janie who didn’t understand math any better than she did. Still, the farm chores needed to be done. The sun was starting to rise over the horizon. Its rays were streaming through the window. Sandy could hear a rooster who was crowing near the barn. There was no denying it. Morning had just arrived.”<BR/><BR/><BR/>Could be:<BR/><BR/>"Shut up, already!"<BR/><BR/>Sandy slammed her alarm to the floor, yanked the cord from the wall outlet and drew the covers over her head. Studying until midnight was stupid, especially with Janie whose sole contribution was to demonstrate the art of tattooing math formulas in the palm of her hand with a Sharpie. Today’s final counted for a third of their grade. Dropping below a C+ average meant permanent exile back to the farm.<BR/><BR/>Rays of sunlight pierced the thin blanket and assaulted Sandy’s closed eyelids. Outside, a rooster crowed relentlessly to reinforce the message – resistance was futile. Morning chores and an impossible test waited.<BR/><BR/>She groaned, swung her legs over the side of the bed and trudged to the bathroom.<BR/><BR/>"Ready for the test?" her mother asked.<BR/><BR/>"No," she sighed. "I'm doomed."<BR/>"<BR/>~HarrietthespySarah Garrigueshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14718079454353620031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863109092100606623.post-57614078111694314772009-04-07T22:43:00.000-04:002009-04-07T22:43:00.000-04:00Sarah, Good info, I just put a special post on The...Sarah, <BR/><BR/>Good info, I just put a special post on The Public Query Slushpile linking to it.Rick Daleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05173516899130463413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863109092100606623.post-61462989176977800202009-04-07T18:13:00.000-04:002009-04-07T18:13:00.000-04:00Interesting article, and thanks for sharing. I've...Interesting article, and thanks for sharing. <BR/><BR/>I've got some articles on Showing Vs. Telling in a few places, if you'd like to check them out:<BR/><BR/>http://tabwriter.blogspot.com/2008/09/tell-me-how-to-show.html<BR/><BR/>http://www.nanoedmo.net/xoops2/modules/article/view.article.php?c11/28Tabithahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17420910182752981979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863109092100606623.post-28263625698490203882009-04-07T12:50:00.000-04:002009-04-07T12:50:00.000-04:00After creating this post, I started a new thread o...After creating this post, I started a new thread on the <A HREF="http://www.verlakay.com/boards/index.php" REL="nofollow">Children's Writers and Illustrators Message Board</A> about 'Showing' versus 'Telling.' Several members of the site provided a great exchange on the topic. Verla Kay, the creator of the site, also joined in the discussion and provided example sentences of her own. She has given me permission to reproduce them here for your benefit. Enjoy!<BR/><BR/>"<BR/>Showing vs Telling is an important part of any story and when I was first writing for children, I had a very hard time understanding just what the difference was. Through my years of teaching writing for children, I created the following examples to help my students understand the difference between the two:<BR/><BR/>Telling how a character feels – <BR/><BR/>She felt angry.<BR/>He was worried.<BR/>She was nervous.<BR/><BR/>Showing how a character feels through words and actions –<BR/><BR/>She threw the truck on the ground and stomped on it. (She’s angry.)<BR/> <BR/>He paced the floor until it seemed he’d wear holes in the carpet (He is worried.)<BR/> <BR/>“I can’t do it,” she wailed, wringing her hands. “I’ll fall. I just know I’ll fall.” She trembled as she stared at the narrow log crossing the stream. (She’s nervous.)<BR/>" ~Verla KaySarah Garrigueshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14718079454353620031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863109092100606623.post-49600853439865315312009-04-07T10:56:00.000-04:002009-04-07T10:56:00.000-04:00Great Article Sarah! And thanks for the link to m...Great Article Sarah! And thanks for the link to my blog.Niki Schoenfeldthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13732768791387582546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8863109092100606623.post-38218337103320491752009-04-07T09:38:00.000-04:002009-04-07T09:38:00.000-04:00Sarah,Is this more in line with what you're thinki...Sarah,<BR/><BR/>Is this more in line with what you're thinking query wise? Sorry to highjack your post. :) I'm good with showing in a novel but obviously horrid at queries. I know that sounds paradoxical, but I guess that's what makes a paradox a paradox.<BR/><BR/>Anywho, I'd appreciate your feedback. Thanks for your kind input and honesty.<BR/><BR/><BR/> Carving waves San Diego style, making the grades, and hanging out with her BF Ford keep life sane for senior Grace Parker. Dancing around the sexual tension that built up over the summer requires effort, but it’s something Grace is willing to do. Falling for her BF Ford would be crazy. If she lost him, she’d lose everything. Unless, you count her unstable family comprised of erratic father and enabling mother.<BR/> So what’s a girl to do? Wanting to let loose a little tension in a light make out session at a bonfire leads to a promising start with popular surfer BJ. Grace strives to keep her cool and so does Ford. Her first big date with BJ ends when he becomes all hands and doesn’t want to take no for an answer. Where to go? Ford’s home.<BR/> After several weeks of evading BJ, and dodging Ford’s advances, Grace takes the plunge with Ford and advances their relationship to the next level – dating. In spite of everything, she hangs onto her shameful family secret at all costs, including their relationship. Ford chips away at her emotional wall as he works his way into her heart.<BR/> When Grace’s English teacher assigns “Reading Lolita in Tehran,” the essay questions challenge Grace’s current position on avoiding her own reality. Nafisis Azar, author of Reading Lolita in Tehran addresses how a select group of women in Iran avoid their own reality through literature. The irony of the assignment doesn’t escape her, making the assignment difficult to complete.<BR/> Challenged by the battle between her head and her heart, she finally let’s Ford into her life. Inspired by her assignment and Ford’s concerned family, Grace makes the agonizing decision to leave home. <BR/><BR/>~Lindsey S.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com